At last, the audiobook event of the century.

Narrated by George Washington, who never told a lie. Mercifully brief.

Blank Page Press Audiobooks is proud to present The Complete Collection of Truths That President Trump Has Said, compiled by elite reporters from Trump's most trusted fake news outlets and narrated by none other than George Washington, the one man in American history with the credentials for the job.

It opens with the pomp of a presidential march, and then our Founding Father delivers every truth in the collection with dignity, gravitas, and remarkable efficiency. You can finish the whole thing while your coffee brews, during a commercial break, or on a short elevator ride.

It makes the perfect gag gift for the political junkie, the fact-checker in your family, or anyone who appreciates a good moment of silence. Pair it with the printed edition for the complete (and completely empty) experience.

What you get:

• Instant MP3 download

• Total running time: about 45 seconds

• Actual content: 5 seconds (we checked twice)

• A presidential march intro and grand finale

• Plays on any phone, computer, or car stereo